it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
