I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
