it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
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