Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
