there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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