It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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