the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
