i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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