Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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