I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
