so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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