I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
