My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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