He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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