Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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