Barsexuality is the new black.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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