can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
