So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
