he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
