I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
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