The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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