apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
