69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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