.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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