when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
