Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm too high and old for this...
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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