That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
