So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
