in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
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