Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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