you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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