consequently i now know what mace tastes like
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
