is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Can't talk, ducks in the car
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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