Please don't use social media to get back at me.
someone owes me an orgasm
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
