she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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