I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
