Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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