I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
