He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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