I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sick fucks of a feather flock together
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize