Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
