she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
