Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
