haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
