nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
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Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
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I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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