I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Damn victory sex feels great
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
