I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
high people should be assigned attendants
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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