He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
