Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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