Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
