...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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