Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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