GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Randomize
