I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
