Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
