Dual....:-)
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
