They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
