There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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