im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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