Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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