margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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